I’ve totally cracked. I’m dreaming of Greenland.

I’ve totally cracked. I’m dreaming of Greenland.

Either the prolonged cold or my kid’s incessant obsession with Frozen has finally made me crack. I’m dreaming of vacation, but instead of beaches, I’ve suddenly become mildly obsessed with the possibility of visiting GREENLAND.

What’s in Greenland? Pretty much nothing. Well there are mountains. There is ice. There are lichen. In my mind there are lots of tiny ponies, but I don’t know if there really are tiny ponies in Greenland. I really hope there are.

Obviously the first step in planning my imaginary vacation to Greenland is to secure airfare. There are a couple of tiny airports, all of which are indistinguishable to me because they have crazy names and I don’t know anything about Greenland. There is like one flight a millennium out of Ottawa, occasional flights out of Iceland, but most of the flights are out of Copenhagen. So Copenhagen it is, and I’m picking my flight to Narsarsuaq. Because why not.

Flight to GreenlandAccording to the internet, that’s about $2,600 for the Denmark to Greenland part of the flight. I still gotta get from Pittsburgh to Denmark, so this flight is going to be PRICY. And look at me, how nice, I’ll even invite Mr. Beez along.

Step two of the trip, pick a hotel:

Greenland HotelsTHE SELECTION IS BAFFLING. It is hard to resist the party that is sure to be DiscoBay, but honestly, the “sadest hotel in the arctics” is just too enticing to pass up. The reviews characterize the place as having a “barracks” ambience. It even has a cafeteria (who needs a dining room, anyway?). Although TripAdvisor suggests the lodging is somewhat rugged, the hotel’s website makes the place actually look pretty nice.

Since I’m writing this blog post fairly late at night, and I am feeling less ambitious about my online travel-planning, I’ll rely on Greenland’s travel website to figure out what to do while I’m there.

First things first: Food. It looks like Greenlanders like lots of fish, mushrooms and various green things. Those sound good to me. I just hope they don’t like rotten shark, Iceland-style.

Arctic Char Fishing

I would also be sure to take an excursion to the ICE SHEET. I’m not much of a rugged outdoorswoman. In fact, once the temperature dips below 40, I would prefer to stay indoors thankyouverymuch. But in my adventure to the Greenland-thats-not-green-but-rather-icy, I would for sure check out the ICE SHEET.

Ice Sheet

Also I would absolutely go on a wildlife excursion. It looks like the tiny ponies in my imagination aren’t really in Greenland, so that’s too bad. But they have polar bears, and that’s cool. Also, Reindeer. Hello, Sven!

Greenland Animals

And then I will return back to a warmer clime, and remain puzzled over how anyone could be OK with being that cold ALL THE TIME.

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