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I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Rollerskates

I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Rollerskates

ATTENTION residents of Lancaster, California!

Was your heart irreparably broken when the beloved Holiday Skating Rink had the audacity to, GASP, modernize and reinvent itself as Skateplex USA?  Now where will the sweaty pre-teens go to skate the limbo and anxiously glance around the rink when the couples skate comes on? Those orange-carpeted walls! Gone! We can only hope the slush puppy machine wasn’t tossed along with them!

I propose a modest remedy: THE NEVILLE ROLLER DROME, right here in sunny Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  This roller-land time has not touched.  Browns and oranges abound.  The walls are comfortably carpeted.  Inexplicably they play Top 40 (as in today’s Top 40) but we can forgive that. Everything else—the stinky brown skates, the unbelievably cheap snack bar, and the obnoxious showoff rink referees are all in place.

rollerdrome

A roller skating outing was high-priority on this year’s list of fun to-do’s.  Skating is Erin’s thang, and she was enthusiastic to skate.  Her son is likewise a pro.  Sandy is also an enthusiastic skater and was excited to bring her daughter on her first skating excursion.  Mr. Beez, despite certain skating-related childhood trauma, was up for an afternoon at the rink.  We left Baby Beez with her grandparents because we knew her enthusiasm wouldn’t be matched by her skill.  She’d end up frustrated and screaming, and this was skating time, WE DON’T GOT TIME FOR THAT.


The complete roller skating experience, disco ball and pulsating ceiling lights included.

The complete roller skating experience, disco ball and pulsating ceiling lights included.

I rollerblade with fair regularity (For the last 5 years I have carried my rollerblades in my trunk in case an impromptu blading opportunity presents itself, which has never ever happened), but even though I do fine with moving forward, I can only stop by smashing into something.  The same proved true with roller skating. The following roller skating tasks I can accomplish skillfully: skating forward.  The following roller skating tasks I have no hope at accomplishing: skating backwards, turning with less than 100 feet advance notice, stopping under my own power.  Thank goodness for those carpeted walls.

I swear I only look awkward because I was trying to tone down my INCREDIBLE SPEED so Mr. Beez could snap a proper picture.

I swear I only look awkward because I was trying to tone down my INCREDIBLE SPEED so Mr. Beez could snap a proper picture.

Mr. Beez wiped out only once, and on the whole did a darn good job.  Sandy was slow but steady.  Elena was tearing up the floor, and even when she fell she hopped right back up nonplussed and went right back to skating.  Erin and Chooch were both zoom! zoom! zoom! all over the place.  It was a great time!  Mr. Beez and I are old and rickety and only made it through about 2 hours of skating.  Maybe with a little skating we can make it through the full 3 hours.  I was a little sore the next day from working my skating muscles, but I was not totally incapacitated, so that’s good.

elena and sandy

I liked the matinee skate because it wasn’t crowded.  I was afraid of little fast kids zooming by, scaring me, and I keel over and crush them.  There was plenty of room for all people, big and small, fast and slow.  Also, the Johnny Gym Class contingent was sparse.  There were a couple people who skated backwards and I saw EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THOSE JERKS BITE IT AT SOME POINT.  That’s what you get, showoffs.  I kept it simple, and didn’t fall once. So that was our Saturday afternoon adventure! The other two ladies who accompanied me on this outing already posted recaps (Orange Chair Blog and Oh Honestly, Erin!) So I tried to be at the top of my blogging game for this one. Pressure’s on!

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